If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
