So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
