There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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