Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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