i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
