i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
