apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
