Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
