hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
