Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
