i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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