You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
