Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
