All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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