if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
