a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
