My sheets look like a crime scene.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
