So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
