OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
