so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
