Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
