shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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