Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
