i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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