then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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