I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
