Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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