Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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