So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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