I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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