WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
