Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
