My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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