i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
