I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
