My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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