Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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