i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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