i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
