I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Everyone says I win the strip club
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
