i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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