College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
