never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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