I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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