I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dicks are not precious.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
