Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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