I'm sorry my penis didn't work
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
