At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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