I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
