I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
