does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
