I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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