Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Where is the hickey?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
