keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
