how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Randomize
