i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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