Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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