Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
