By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
well you can't waste a boner
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
