Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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