If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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