So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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