apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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