I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
