sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we made out on top of his cat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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