i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
