sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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