You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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