The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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