Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
