I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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