My first STD was from a foam party
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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