I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is classic penis vs brain.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
